This question has played on my mind a lot of late.
Is the FIFO lifestyle right for us?
Are we doing the right thing?
We are two years in but now with two babies the FIFO (fly in fly out) lifestyle has become harder than it ever was.
My husband is a very lucky man. He is doing a job that he loves which is rarely available as a home every night gig anyway. The job has career progression possibilities and also the excellent roster of 2 weeks on/2 weeks off. I know this kind of roster is sort after and to be honest if it was any other I think my pros and cons list would be very different. Two weeks away is as long as I could do but I say that now. I feel for those families that live a 3 on/1 off, that would be hard.
FIFO isn’t just work. It is the deciding factor on how you live your life. My husband misses out on a lot. I find anything I would like to do isn’t as simple as getting the Mr to look after the kids because for sure it is when he is away. I have two conferences coming up. Both I will have to have my baby strapped to me while Ari stay with his grandparents. When it comes to FIFO it is a lifestyle that affects the whole family.
I have been closely looking at the pros and cons for our family and have banked them in four categories.
Career
We chose to move into this FIFO world as it was a natural progression in my husband’s industry. We had been very lucky in Mackay that he was able to do a well-paying job and be home for a fair chunk of time. Unfortunately Mackay is not where I wanted to set up for the next 10 to 20 years so we decided to give that gig up. The position the Mr is in now is a dream job for him. I know he would much prefer to be at home every night but he gets to do something that a decade ago was just a daydream.
I will be honest and say I do carry a little envy. What I would do for one night in a hotel room alone. A flight where I can just sit back with headphones on and watch a movie. I don’t want two weeks of it but just one night without having to think about everybody else.
As if I am actually going to spend a night in a hotel room and not think of the kids! Ha! But I still want it.
In a previous life I travelled a lot and spent many a night flying solo in a hotel room. I loved it and that is probably why that envy lingers. I know he doesn’t walk away every fortnight going back clicking his heels but that was me once jet setting around and as much as I wouldn’t trade being a mum to my two for the world my eyes flare green when he tells me what he is up to hanging out.
I should say that my husband’s work isn’t in a camp, he stays in hotels and apartments. He has it very good and will be the first to admit it.
Lifestyle
Career kind of leads onto our lifestyle. Yes he is away for 2 weeks at a time but then he is home for 2 weeks. The FIFO roster allows more quality time with us. He isn’t home for just a couple of hours before the kids go to sleep. When the Mr is home he is home. Another quality pro is that he is also a long way from his “office”. There are no call ins or constant phone enquiries, something that was continual in past workplaces.
The Mr comes home for his two weeks and we can do whatever we would like. That could mean a few nights down the coast, visit family interstate or just work on projects around the home. Very rarely does he need to use his holiday leave. The financial side to FIFO work also allows more travel or spontaneous decisions. It gives us a nice house to live in and flexibility to live comfortably doing what we want, when we want.
I am able to stay at home to be with the kids but in saying that if I chose not to want to do that things would certainly sway to the negative because flying solo with two kids, while working and managing care…wow! I salute those single mums who juggle it all.
I can’t really see any cons on our lifestyle. Except for not being home each night for a little parenting relief for me and to see the kids. Pros far outweigh the cons on this one.
The Kids
Here is my biggest worry. It is really the unknown at this stage but is the FIFO lifestyle the right thing for our kids? How long will we be able to keep this up? Will Ari suffer without having his Dad around all the time?
Right now the kids are fine. Ari is showing no signs of distress when the Mr isn’t around and he fully understands where he is and what he is doing. We ensure there is continual contact if not every day it’s every second and Ari is a busy kid, with more appointments than me, so doesn’t notice so much.
When his Dad is home he never leaves his side. It is GREAT for me! Like I said when talking about lifestyle, he is then getting the full attention of his Dad for a banked up 2 weeks. Right now it is fantastic. I couldn’t even say quality over quantity because essentially it is both.
How this will pan out come schooling and sports etc we will just have to wait and see. It is something that plays on my mind the most and needs careful consideration often.
Our Relationship
The Mr and I are one of “those” couples. We have always been quite loved up which I think comes from many stresses early on in our relationship. We rarely fight and we still rarely do but for the first time in our relationship we have to consciously work on being us.
How we are going to do that I am still not sure. I think it may be a pens down and focus approach for me. When he is away I run at a pace I have never gone before. Actually I never knew I could go. If I stop I find I forget things and then I am playing catch up. Looking after two kids under 4, playing catch up is impossible. When he is home I don’t need to do it so much but I am often looking to retreat for a bit of me time.
We always spend quality time together as a family but maybe we need to spend some quality time together with just us.
Obviously the recent birth of baby number two doesn’t help but I don’t think it is an excuse to just let it go. We need to work on it now.
A few weeks ago we went out for our first date night with just the two of us in three years! My how things can get away from you – three years!
Right now this is the sector where our effort must be.
There are so many positives about the FIFO lifestyle but what there are in cons, many are big ones. You can’t brush off your child’s best interests or just allow your relationship to end in tatters (not that ours is anywhere close to this) just for good money and holidays.
Any job that takes a member of the family away for long periods of time affects everyone in the family and shouldn’t be taken lightly.
This is us. Our situation right now. Who knows if it will be our situation in 2 years or 10 years but right now it is the right one for us as long as we are mindful and considerate of each other.
The question I will continue to ask myself is not is the FIFO lifestyle right for us? It is will I look back on these years and regret spending the time apart or cherish them for the adventure it allows?
Have you considered FIFO work for you or your family?
Interesting thoughts here, my first husband would work away for months at a time and then come home for a day or two here and there, that didn’t work, having said that, I wonder are your kids really missing out if Dad is able to give them so much of his time when he is home? That’s like holidays every month, my hubby only gets an hour or so each night with the kids and then one Sunday a fortnight and the kids are quite happy with this, image how much more time your husband is spending with your kids.
I will be the first to say, parenting solo for two weeks must be so difficult, I take my hat off to you. Do you have much support from your family for those days when you just need a break?
My parents are 15 minutes away so close enough and I call on them if I need help coordinating something. I take Ari to music on a Wednesday so Mum will come and take Leni around the library, that type of thing. Also on a weekend I will often take the kids around and just lay on the floor. Ha!
Yes I think we have it really good at the moment. As the kids get older that is where I will watch to ensure it doesn’t effect them to much.
This is a really fascinating insight – thank you! There are actually more “pros” than I thought there would be, but you are right in saying that 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off is something more sustainable in the long term than larger absences. Wow. You guys really have a lot to consider. I honestly take my hat off to you for being able to carry the load on your own with such small children in the mix. It’s not something that we’ve had the opportunity to do, but I’m not sure how I’d cope. Maybe not so bad now that my kids are through the baby and toddler years.
The 2 weeks on/2 weeks off roster is definitely a bonus. I am unsure how I would go any longer. 3 weeks would be it but would have to be equal time to be worth it. We are lucky like that. I think I have read Raising Boys a few too many times as I am concerned about Ari only having a Dad around half the time but like I said they are in constant contact and when they are together it is longer than most other families.
What an eye opener! High five to you lady for solo parenting two weeks out of every four and managing to do all the things that you do! I guess this is the toughest time when they’re so little. On the flip side, I bet they get more quality time with their dad than most kids. Once you and the Mr can recalibrate and have a bit more on on one, I think you’re on to a winning arrangement.
Me too Sammie.
wow Karin. Such a big thing to think about. I don’t think I could hack two weeks off and on like that. Not long term anyway. Sounds like your head is in the right space though, thinking about it before anything goes wrong! You should share this post in FIFO FB groups! x
I think it relates to so many families these days. I will have to see if any groups are interested. 🙂 x
It’s a big thing to weigh up in parts, isn’t it? I’ve got a close friend who’s partner does FIFO and she’s juggling 3 munchkins at home and while it works for them, now the kids are getting older she says she’s starting to notice a change in them when he leaves. And they’re noticing him gone more too. But, on the flipside, he gets so much time with them when he is home- it’s a hard one to balance out. You’re doing an awesome job lady. I’d say that I’d love to shove hubby off for 2 weeks ha ha, but the reality of it in the long term is defs something to consider. xx
I think the older the kids get the harder it will become on them. We will just have to wait and see. xx
Haha! There are sometimes when I am like ‘you can go back now’ lol x
As a FIFO wife in a very similar situation (hubby told me about your blog) I really think it’s sometimes harder for the partner who travels. I have three (at one point all under 5) and my fortnight goes quickly with routines and busyness. Hubby away is acutely aware of his distance from us and that’s the worst part of the job for him. I am enjoying your blog!
Sorry, didn’t mean to post anonymously!
Hi Kelli! 🙂
Thanks for leaving a comment and letting me know. I am so glad to hear to are enjoying C2C.
Fortnights do go so fast when you are busy and have things to look forward to. This fortnight has flown as I have a few events at the end of the week though it is not always like that.
This is a great insight Karin. We are at a strange time in our family structure at the moment. Husband travels a lot with work so we don’t see a lot of him during the week and he is often tired on weekends but tries to make sure he is involved with the kids as much as possible. He finishes that job today and starts his new one tomorrow interstate. We are actually going to be apart for 3 months until I move up there with the girls so it will be an interesting time to say the least!
Change can be hard on the family. At least he will be up there and able to arrange a bit more of the move hopefully. Make sure he packs his fair share of boxes before he goes. Haha.
I very actively avoided FIFO when I was in mining and was lucky to be able to avoid it. I traveled for work, but primarily day or overnight only. For me, I am a carer for my husband too, so extended periods of time away from home are impractical – especially as he can’t drive. It traps him at home and makes it harder for him to do the things we do regularly like vet trips and even food shopping.
That is lucky Vanessa. Not often do you see that sector flexible enough to be at home.
Oh Karin, you’re a bloody hero! Seriously, I’m amazed by anyone who can sustain this. Sure, those two weeks with daddy at home, the whole time would be phenomenal, but I’m not sure if I would be able to handle the constant two weeks of solo parenting. I’ve done one week on – one week off for the past couple of months with my husband having to travel for work and I’m HATING it. Then again, when he is home, he still has to go to work, so I don’t feel like I’m getting a break at all. And I don’t have any family close by to help me out (I’m very jealous that you have your parents close by)…. still, it’s a really hard slog and you’re awesome for doing it.
Before we had kids and my hubby was in the army, he would go away for 6 months at a time and that was tough, but we managed it and it became quite normal. But as soon as we wanted kids I told him he had to discharge because I knew I couldn’t do that alone. My son has been pretty bad with daddy away. I’m actually surprised with how much he’s been affected by it. Which makes it harder on me because I don’t want him to be upset. Obviously Ari is a little trooper and is smart enough to know that daddy comes home and it’s his ‘normal’. What a little star he is!
xxxxx
Definitely not a hero but thank you.
It might be an age thing too. When Ari was around Thud’s age the Mr had to do 6 weeks overseas and that was when he went from eating anything to nothing. Never was the same again. It really affected him but now he sort of has good stuff happen when Daddy is away too, like sleeping in Mummy’s bed!! He understands it and isn’t mature enough to need his Dad around yet if that makes sense. xx
It sounds like it’s working at the moment so perhaps it’s something you can continue to monitor and think about some changes if necessary. A friend of mine did the FIFO thing (well, her husband did it as she’s a teacher) and after over 15 years he’s unwell but they’ve got a good nest egg and are buying a business that he’ll be involved in.
There is definitely a big pro on the financial side of things that is for sure.
We’ve been doing the FIFO thing for 3 years now and we are completely over it. My husband looking at residential roles which will mean all of us relocating, but I think an adventure all together will be better than what we have now. The boys are 6 and 7and a half and are REALLY missing him now, which never used to happen.
Yes that is the kind of age group I worry about with my boy. Workmates of my husband have relocated to but to me that is not an option but who know what will be happening when we get to then.
I have always said that FIFO was not for us. I like having Mr A to snuggle up to every night. I didn’t get married to spend every other fortnight alone. I certainly admire all those that can make it work though and certainly know quite a few that do.
Leaving some fairy wishes and butterfly kisses from #teamIBOT
We just have to learn to enjoy our snuggles a little more while he is home. 🙂
I really feel for FIFO families and the unique struggles that you have to face. There are certainly upsides to it and as long as they keep outweighing the negatives then keep going.
Thanks Malinda.
My hubby does shift work and he misses out on lots… I make sure he is involved but ideally I would prefer he was around all the time
Shift work is a whole different ball game again isn’t it. That would be a tough slog!
I suppose you just have to keep evaluating if it is working for you. We aren’t fly in fly out more ship in ship out but only a handful of times a year and we don’t have any real choice in the matter. It’s the lack of contact as there is no phone when they are in the middle of nowhere and intermittent email. The hardest thing is I’m always playing bad cop in the parenting stakes and he is the fun parent.
With all the FIFO jobs going at the moment, I think it’s important to have a back up plan.
Yes definitely. We are lucky that we aren’t essentially in the mining sector but still can be affected by it. No contact would be hard long term.
This is such a thoughtful post. I don’t know if we could ever live the FIFO life but who knows? We all adapt in our own way to whatever life throws at us. This is obviously a very carefully thought out decision that has been made as a whole family. As long as the pros continue to outweigh the cons then you are on the right track.
Thanks Kirsty. We shall play it as it comes.
Hey dear! I don’t exactly understand what means FIFO, does it apply to all kind of jobs? Or special jobs? Whatever… I live quite the same situation but even less time with the whole family. Husband is working in Paris (300 km away). He comes back only 2 on 3 weekends. This situation started 1 year ago. I noticed the same about kids and couple. But lifestyle is really difficult. The thing is I didn’t stop working when he started to work in Paris. And I worked a lot and I didn’t get the help expected so … now I’m exhausted! Totally exhausted. Shouting a lot at home. Demanding for help that I can’t get from my kids obviously 😉
That’s for now. Soon I will be on our big french summer holidays and I ‘ll start my sabatical year in september. Will tell you… if my situation improves… xx cathy
Hi Cathy, FIFO is when you fly to another location to work for a certain timeframe and then fly home again. It is very common here in Australia and covers lots of different industries like mining, resources, teaching, military etc. Similar to what your husband is doing. Only home for weekends would be so hard. We are lucky we get a good two weeks together when my husband is home. x
Sounds like it is working well for you at this point in time and it sounds as though your children get a lot more quality time with hubby than many dads who are around every day. It might not be right for you when the children are in school, have after school activities or weekend sport etc.. but sounds like it’s all good for now!
Yeah, I think we will just have to keep reevaluating as we go along.
We live in Mackay and my husband works five on two off. We have four sons who are now 21. 19. 17 & 15 in age. When they were little, I found it so much easier to deal with hubby being away even though at the time we had NO family close by. It’s now that they are older and are living their “own lives” to a degree that I’m finding it difficult. It gets quite lonely.
Mackay is a lovely place, and I have enjoyed our 14 years here, but I have dreams of setting somewhere else
I have never thought of the part when the kids are all grown up. I can understand how you feel like that Beck. I would be clutching onto the kids probably a little too much for their liking.
I think it would be so tough to live the FIFO lifestyle, and I’m pretty sure I couldn’t do it. Hubby just goes away for work for a week tops twice a year at the most, and that’s enough for me. You’re an inspiration!
Di from Max The Unicorn
You get used to it but still get the bad fortnights. We are very lucky with his roster though. Anything but equal time and I don’t think I could do it either.
I don’t think I could do it Karin. It’s great that you can make the best of it, but I imagine that it is hard on the family! x
It isn’t for everyone. I think I could only do it with an equal time roster which is a rare offering. x
I like the idea of 2 weeks off together! That sounds blissful as Farmer works everyday (12hrs). He probably has 1 day off a month with us if that. And that’s never at home, it’s off to Perth to visit loved ones or today it was swimming lessons. I’m always told farming is a lifestyle – and there’s heaps I love about it – but the lack of family time we have and guilt for planning holidays – kills me.
Absence sure makes the heart grow fonder and I can just imagine the excitement when your beloved comes home. You sound like you’ve got a healthy grasp on the FIFO life and I think it’s great you check in with how it’s working for you all. You’re doing an awesome job xx
I don’t know how YOU do it Jo. Life on the farm this time of year must be just horrendous. Do the boys go out with their Dad some days?
Not sure I could do the FIFO thing. My sisters partner & eldest son do, but they are 3 or 4 on & one off. Her partner struggles but she’s a very independent mum of 8. It can be tough enough having a hubby that works the arvo shift, home around 1 or 2 am but like your post, there are pros & cons there too. I love having time as a family during the day but no hubby at night can be frustrating. Especially now there’s 2 kids to organise in our household. Eeeek! The 2 weeks home part sounds great at least 🙂
It is hard to diss the 2 weeks at home. That is for sure.
Mum of 8! Wow! Your sister deserves a medal!
My husband travels often for work, but never for long periods of time. The thing I envy, like you, is that he gets to board a flight on his own and then stay in a hotel all by himself. I have no idea when I last did that! He also kind of waltzes off and has no idea how tough it is at home with three boys under five. I’d like a bit more praise from him really! I think I could handle FIFO for a period of time, but I’d need to know there was an end date.
My major pet hate is when my Mr would tell me how tired he was while he was away. He has clasped the fact that it makes my blood boil now so has stopped. Lately I think he gets it more. Hopefully anyway!
A 2 & 2 roster sounds great! I remember when we first started FIFO it was a 2:1 roster & I thought it was the pits.Until we started a 4:1 roster. Worst ever! I’m happy to be out of it now but we never say never. I won’t lie, having the husband home is a dream but it does pose other problems- not great work options for him & the fact we’ve taken a 60% pay cut ain’t easy either. But we needed some time together after 3.5 of FIFO living. He missed far too much being away & raising four kids alone with no family was starting to take its toll on me. I think if you can find the positives in your situation then stick to it if its working for you all. There are positives to a FIFO life, just don’t ask me to name them 😉
We get it easy with the 2 & 2 roster really. If it wasn’t equal time I wonder what we would do because it would be so much harder. I wonder how long we will last with this lifestyle. Not that the Mr can just get a job in his field staying here anyway.
You are freakin amazing lady! I know I couldn’t do it but then those 2 weeks would be so precious. My bro works fifo, 1 week on 1 week off. His kids are 8 and 10 and it’s getting harder only because if the lack of consistency for the kids. When he’s home its 100% family time but when he’s gone his son struggles with behaviour. Not sure if it’s forever for them but they make it work as best they can for now. Xx
It is Ari I worry about the most when he gets older. I hope it works out fine for your brother’s family. x
I think you are doing an amazing job Karin! I can imagine how tough it would be and I think you guys do have a great set up with 2 on/2 off as you get to spend quality time together as a family. My husband works locally, but leaves each day before the boys get up and then only has an hour to an hour and a half with them before they go to bed each night. It’s not really quality time as he is having dinner/winding down and I’m running around getting the boys bathed and ready for bed.
We value our 2 weeks together. It is great. A massive pro.
I think families (and couples) who can make the FIFO career/lifestyle work for them are awesome. For sure, there are enormous benefits, but I also know it’s tough as well. I have friends and family who do it and have done it, so I’ve seen the pros and cons. Certainly, you guys seem to have a nicer deal than some – at least your hubby gets to stay at hotels and apartments rather than a dingy donga, and gets two weeks off to every two weeks on. But I know what a wrench it must be each time it comes to say goodbye, and missing out on all those special events, and the little things as well. I salute you both and think you will all know when it’s time to make a change. The sacrifices we make for our families, hey? x
Completely. As hard as the fortnight away is the fortnight at home makes up for it all. The Mr got home this morning so about to enjoy a lazy couple of weeks together including a couple of nights away. Life is good. x
I can definitely see that so far the pros are outweighing the cons. It’s good that you’ve done a bit of a SWOT test here and have a strategy in place for what comes next. It will be interesting to look back on this pist in six months or more. I hope the FIFO lifestyle is still going this strong then too. x
Kids grow so fast so who knows when things might change. After writing this I have heard both good and bad about FIFO life with older children. x
Finally got to read this post! And glad I did, so many points so well made. It’s a delicate balance with so many factors weighing in. If only you could have the best of all worlds! And hey, if more snuggles, dates and romance are the things you need to work on at least they’re enjoyable to do! 😉
Sometimes. 😉
Its nice to read through someone’s perspective that is working through a similar experience. We have “fallen” into the FIFO world without prior warning and no formal conscious decision to live that life. My husband’s role has “turned into” a FIFO role (4 and 3) without our consent. That has it’s own challenges. I am a mum of 2 girls under 6, working 3 days a week and another part time job in my “spare time” as a Thermomix consultant. It has certainly been challenging, but in this economic climate, we are both fortunate to have jobs, so we should be grateful for that. I certainly now have a completely new respect for FIFO families with both working parents – sheesh its hard work. But onward we go. I have a fantastic husband and 2 beautiful girls – I have been blessed and simply cannot complain!
That must be tough now it has been thrown on you. 4 weeks is hard away but at least you get 3 weeks at home. Very hard with you working. We have done all the weighing up of me going back to work and I really just can’t, not for a few years yet anyway. Working from home for me is the best solution for us on that.
I really loved this read. It really is FIFO in a nutshell. My husband does 2 on 2 off too, and I honestly take my hat off to the families who do longer stints. I also work part time (3 days per week) and am now studying too (yip, call me crazy), but I guess you just do what you got to do. I think the biggest pro is that they get to spend 2 weeks of quality family time. Before, my husband would be lucky if he got to do the bedtime bath, and then Sundays (his only day off) would be packed to the rim with activities, jobs and ‘family time’.
I think what keeps us motivated and going is setting an end goal. It’s not a long term option for us, but a short term option to get us into our own home. xx
Not many people get to spend half the month at home. The 2 on 2 off is an awesome roster and we are lucky to have it I think. Yes, I couldn’t see us being able to do any longer either. With the Mr’s profession I can’t see us really being able to change from FIFO easily but we are fine to keep going for a while.
It is a hard slog but with this roster I think we are doing it the best way. x