Motherhood is shaping up to be a wild ride. I am of the understanding now that nothing calms down, it just changes.
I don’t see any mother of the year awards coming my way with my “close enough” attitude but neither am I looking for one.
There are many things that have changed me from the person I was BC (before children) to the woman who sits here typing this post with an empty glass of wine. Well the glass of wine isn’t new.
Here are 40 things I have learnt in motherhood mainly from my kids. Some I had to figure out on my own.
- Rushing things will just make the pain worse.
- The washing pile will be endless and consider running your home as a nudiest colony through Summer.
- Your heart will be so full with kids that you must remember to keep tucking your husband back in there.
- You put the TV on ABC For Kids before you go to bed so you don’t have to hear any complaints when it comes on in the morning.
- You will feel obliged to mention in 40 Things I Have Learnt In Motherhood to mention that you love your kids with every orifice of your heart.
- Kids will complain if they are hungry but never if they are dirty.
- The silence is when you must worry.
- You will try to avoid button waist pants forever more.
- Black shows up snot marks worse than any other colour.
- Your stomach will become stronger and you will dry reach less as their vomits get worse.
- Life will be filled with pockets of madness. These pockets are usually just when you are trying to live your life as you did back in BC (before children).
- Running around in the cold night air really does give a kid a snotty nose.
- If you don’t want to listen to The Wiggles EVER in your car, don’t put it on “just this once”.
- Kids don’t care if the car radio isn’t playing The Wiggles. Keep your car radio child free.
- Never throw out any “art work” in front of your kids or leave it in a place where they will see you have thrown it out.
- Using a safe word (ours is precious) for things you don’t want damaged sometimes works.
- Don’t ever think just because they don’t put food in their mouth that nothing else will go in there.
- Poo is fascinating! Start preventative measures early. Refer to number 17.
- Your boobs will go up a cup size or two after kids.
- Other mothers may not appreciate you mentioning that your boobs have gone up a cup size after kids. Throw in that your nipples will never be the same to make up for it.
- Kids are listening. Always listening!
- You will never wear those stilettos but if you like them buy them you will feel more like you for just having them in your wardrobe.
- The toys will never stay in one area. A toy ROOM is a myth.
- The waiter putting your meal down in front of you is like a fire alarm to your sleeping baby.
- Don’t be ashamed of your kid using a dummy. Just think of the pain and noise in the house of the people who chose to go without.
- Just accept the balls of snot given to you like a gooby gift. You don’t want to find them mashed onto something later.
- Showering daily is a luxury not a necessity.
- Don’t ask. Tell.
- Day sleeps past the age of two will make a massacre of your evening.
- Your kids social life will be bigger than yours.
- When you eat all the kids left overs and drink all the wine you are going to get fat.
- You complain about exercising with a 8kg kettle bell but can easily pick up 20kg of human child and run when required without complaint.
- There will always be a bottle or cup with milk dregs in it in the sink. Always. It is like that packet of TimTams that never runs out.
- Just when you say your child doesn’t do something they will. I have been caught out on “Oh, he puts nothing in his mouth” and “I’m lucky, he isn’t a runner”.
- No two children are made alike.
- Baby girls can pee just as high as baby boys.
- Let the PlayDoh dry on the floor and vacuum that stuff up. Life is to short for picking it all up on your hands and knees.
- If the shoes are not already in the car there is a good chance my kid is going barefoot.
- Don’t laugh at the parents buying the king size bed because they give up trying to get their child out of their bed. You’re next!
- Nothing is funnier than a 3-year-old trying to do the worm.
What lessons have you learnt in parenthood? Or maybe what lessons have you learnt from kids?